Bruce's Amoosement Center

E-mail Addiction

Top 21 indications that you are addicted to e-mail:

20. The last time you used a stamp, it had to be licked.

19. You collect the e-mail addresses of super-models, and the only real mail you get is the Victoria Secrets catalog.

18. You think Steve Jobs answers his own e-mail, and that you have an inside track because you know his address is sjobs@apple.com.

17. You know how to decode a MIME attachment, and try to explain it to your relatives.

16. You don't understand how anyone got hurt by Ted Kaczsynski's mail bombs, unless they had really nasty attachments.

15. You read the routing information to see what e-mail program the sender uses.

14. You send your mother an internet phone setup for Christmas.

13. When someone asks for your address, you say, "Ohhhh, you mean my snail mail address."

12. You haven't answered your phone in weeks, because no one you want to talk to uses one.

11. When someone asks how to reach you, you give them your e-mail address instead of your phone number. When they ask for your phone number, you can't remember it, and tell them to look it up at four11.com.

10. You check your e-mail every 10 minutes, but haven't been to your real mailbox in days.

9. The phrase, "You've got mail," gives you a hard-on.

8. You check e-mail before brushing your teeth in the morning, and after brushing your teeth at night. You check it while brushing your teeth in the middle of the day.

7. You'd rather check e-mail than go to bed with your spouse/partner/significant other. They prefer it that way too.

6. You start your e-mail downloading before taking a shower, so it will be ready when you get out. Then you read it wet and naked.

5. You start reading Spam, wondering if Daisy really is a college girl, or just the pseudonym of some fat slob named Kenny.

4. You have no idea what all your friends look like. Or even sound like.

3. You daydream about emoticons.

2. You change your signature every day, because it seems stale after 30 outgoing e-mails.

1. You cc: yourself, just so you'll have incoming mail.

Bonus:
0: You make up Top Ten lists about e-mail addiction.